Healing
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: What if Harm had shown up in Fresno, California after Mac’s father died? What if he’d been there to comfort her?


_**Healing **_

Author: Stephjag aka Steph

Email: 

Website: 

Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG characters; they are the propriety of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: Vignette / Drama / Friendship Harm and Mac

Rating: PG-13 (as always: just to be on the safe side)

Spoilers: "Second Sight"

Summary: What if Harm had shown up in Fresno, California after Mac's father died? What if he'd been there to comfort her?

**Author's note**: Well this isn't much really – it is just something I thought of after having watched "Second Sight" and a particular scene in "Soul Searching" that I've watched about a 100 times already, and more. There was so much said between them without even saying a single word. But, enough dreaming. How many times have I said to myself while watching Mac getting crazy about her father in that hospice, _"Harm should have been there..." _well, I did something about that thought now.

Thanks to George Michael for the song "Heal the Pain." I know what you are going to say: in the song it's a guy in love with a woman who's hit by her boyfriend, but please, bear with me here. You'll see why I'm using the song.

Many thanks to AeroGirl and Dae for beta-reading!

Feedback: Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment. If my work does not appeal to you for any reason, I have no problem with that, but please, no need to share that with me.

**0251 ZULU **

**Hospice of the Sacred Heart **

**Fresno, California**

Mac was descending the stairs of the hospice entrance gazing to the ground. She was feeling sad and empty. Her father was gone. All these years she had been mad, angry with him and today she felt like she'd just lost the only person that had ever cared about her. Sure he'd been horrible with her; he'd been an alcoholic, and he also was the reason for her alcoholism. He'd said terrible things to her as a little girl. But he had been there.

Her mother hadn't been there – she'd left her without a look behind. She had left because she was scared of her husband, without taking her little girl with her. Mac had always thought that her father was the horrible guy, that he had destroyed her life ... but now she wasn't sure of all that anymore.

Silent tears were now rolling down her cheeks, and then she became aware that she wasn't alone. She lifted her head up and was surprised to see who was standing a few inches away from her.

"Harm?" she murmured.

"Hey, Mac...you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess. Just sad and desperate, but I'm okay. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were doing fine with your father's issue." Harm looking down at the ground and then looking back at her sheepishly.

Mac couldn't help but smile through her tears. Then she looked straight into his ocean blue eye and passed him by before stopping a few inches further and reaching her hand out to him. Harm was at first startled by the gesture, but then he smiled and took her hand.

They were now walking side by side silently, each one of them lost in their own thoughts. Mac suddenly stopped and turned her face to look at him. He held her gaze for a few seconds longer, and they continued walking silently.

Now, Harm and Mac were standing in front of her hotel building. She looked at him with a smile and they both headed in the building. A couple minutes later, Mac was inserting her key in the door locker and pushed the door open while entering the room. Harm followed her quietly before closing the door behind him, turning around he slid the chain into the lock.

Mac walked toward the couch, pushed off her shoes and curled up onto it. She brought her knees up under her chin. Harm looked at her questioningly.

"Mac, what's wrong?" Harm inquired.

"Nothing, nothing. It's just that I thought I knew my parents. And now, I realize I didn't," she explained to him in a low voice.

Harm approached her and knelt down in front of her. He looked at her and gently squeezed her hands. His eyes were telling her that she could trust him, and that if she needed a friend to talk to, or just a presence or anything else she needed – he would be there for her.

_Let me tell you a secret  
Put it in your heart and keep it  
Something that I want you to know  
Do something for me  
Listen to my simple story  
And maybe we'll have something to show_

Mac just smiled at her best friend, losing herself in his ocean-blue eyes. She didn't need to say a thing. She knew he understood. That why she was so thankful to God to have him. He was the best partner she'd ever dreamed to have at work, but he also was a wonderful friend. She could always count on him no matter what.

_You tell me you're cold on the inside  
How can the outside world  
Be a place that your heart can embrace  
Be good to yourself  
Because nobody else  
Has the power to make you happy_

Yes her dad had been a monster with her and her mother in her childhood, but when her mother left, he'd done his best to make a home for her. He cleaned the house as best he could, and he'd tried to help her with her homework whenever she needed it. The problem was that she'd never seen things like that at the time. All she could see by then was her father drunk almost all the time and because of the alcohol he'd beaten her mother.

_How can I help you  
Please let me try to  
I can heal the pain  
That you're feeling inside  
Whenever you want me  
You know that I will be  
Waiting for the day  
That you say you'll be mine_

Today, Mac saw all these events in another light. Father Genaro had showed her all the articles of her in her father's wallet. Her father loved her – he really loved her, but he was unable to show his affection to the ones he loved, so he said bad things. Her anger had been misplaced.

_He must have really hurt you  
To make you say the things that you do  
He must have really hurt you  
To make those pretty eyes look so blue  
_

Her mother was too weak to be able to support much more from him, and that was the reason she'd left her and her father. Now that she thought of it: her father had hurt her, not with knocks but with words, because he couldn't tell he loved her.

What had hurt her the most was the impression she had that he hated her so much, and today she'd found that it was the opposite of what she'd always thought. She felt stupid and guilty for what she had done to him when she also left him too.

_He must have known  
That he could  
That you'd never leave him  
Now you can't see my love is good  
And that I'm not him  
  
_She had done the same thing her mother did before her: run, run away from him. From her life, from everything she could think of ... and from herself.

_How can I help you  
Please let me try to  
I can heal the pain  
That you're feeling inside  
Whenever you want me  
You know that I will be  
Waiting for the day  
That you say you'll be mine _

Mac felt tears roll down her cheeks and Harm reach out to wiped them away with his thumb. He stood up and sat next her to take her into an embrace.

"It's okay, Mac. Everything's going to be okay. I promise," Harm whispered against her hair while rocking her a little.

Mac just allowed herself to cry until she couldn't anymore, making a silent prayer to her father and God.

"I'm sorry, dad. Sorry that I didn't understand you. Thanks for trying to be a father even knowing now it wasn't easy for you, but at least you tried. May you find some peace wherever you are now. Loving you in my own way. Your daughter, Sarah."

Then Sarah murmured, "Thank you, Harm," against his chest.

"You're very welcome, Mac," Harm said, stroking her hair gently.

Mac knew the healing wasn't done yet, but it was a beginning. She was sure the healing process would be easier now. Now she could think about her father with far less bitterness, and she would be able to face whatever future would bring her because she was strong.

She would be forever thankful to Harm for this, because he was the one who'd made her come here. Even she was aware that he couldn't make her do something unless it was what she really wanted. A smile lit up her face.

_Who needs a lover  
That can't be a friend  
Something tells me I'm the one you've been looking for  
If you ever should see him again  
Won't you tell him you've found someone who gives you more  
  
Someone who will protect you  
Love and respect you  
All those things  
That he never could bring to you  
Like I do  
Or rather I would  
Won't you show me your heart  
Like you should  
  
Won't you let me in  
Let this love begin  
Won't you show me your heart now  
I'll be good to you  
I can make this thing true  
And get to your heart somehow_

The End

8


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